The next vlog installment!

After much anticipation (sigh, I wish), here is my second video log!

(I think a solid improvement on the first)



I need to probably plan a little more before video blogging, and I need to be more confident and charismatic. The third video will hopefully show largely increased levels of all of those.

I start vlogging! :)

Er... I start vlogging yay! Or is it vblogging?

I don't really know, I doubt it matters much.

SO ANYWAY...

Here's a little bit of preamble before the video:

I've not really managed to be able to do a video blog before. I've basically been too stressed out to finish anything. But now, I have dropped trying to be a perfectionist so much, and I've just chilled out and thought more optimistically. It worked! I wouldn't say it's a particularly good video, it has a few okay bits in it I suppose, but I can build on this performance for next time.

Social confidence gaining practice (what a crap name)

I am going to perform an experiment!

I have anxiety problems, and this interfiers with my ability to socialise. I overthink when I talk to people, and because of that it's not so much of a natural flowing experience for me. So, I was thinking about a certain kind of practice I can do on a daily basis, to not only make me a less embarassed and more fluent talker, but to also help make what I say more effective.

It's very simple. For half an hour each day, I am going to lay down on my bed and imagine social situations that are likely, or that have already happened with me, and run through them like I were in the situation. However, of course I'm going to run through them, like I were a cool charming sociable person.

From what I've heard about the brain, this is extremely likely to work if I do it properly and stick to it for a while.

An odd thing to mention here, is that imagining social situations where you're getting along with people well, is actually quite enjoyable. Vividly imagining experiences can bring about to a certain degree the same feelings and emotions as if the experiences were actually happening.

I'm seriously going to give this a go, for like a week. I'll make a post afterwards to give the results of the experiment.

I'm not sure what picture I should insert at the end of this blog post, so here's a picture of some random hateful comments I saw on youtube. Why not eh...

Things aren't going so well right now

Today I spent most of the day in bed. It's interesting how many things you can just sleep off.

I felt anxiety that nearly started a panic attack off today. I've been feeling this for the last week on and off, and I'm pretty scared about it. My OCD level hasn't been as high as this for a while either.

I'm going out tonight to the student union venue (it's pretty nice actually). I have a lot of my clothes washed, and my shower has been fixed and it's able to give out hot water now - so I'll be able to be washed and look presentable.

I guess it's time to start reading my OCD help book again:













(I just took that shower I was on about, lol)

I'm meant to be taking an exam tomorrow - it's my last exam. However, because I'm disabled I can get it moved to the next semester :D. Thank goodness because this week it's been hard to revise because of my anxiety.

Well, as I'm typing now it's 21:26, I better go and buy some beers.

I was going to make a post about goal setting, but I hadn't managed to try fully what I wanted to experiment with this week (again, due to anxiety), so I made the choice of making this post instead.

Directional meditation

When I'm bored in a day, I look to what I call 'directional meditation'.

I lay on my bed like this...





- I might cross my legs, I might not, it doesn't matter how you lay, just I find it useful with my hands in the gay way they are for some reason. Of course, close your eyes.


My mind is a lot more focussed when I'm doing this meditation. Meditation is by it's nature "To think or reflect, especially in a calm and deliberate manner."

My thoughts are all hemmed towards the problem. Usually I think of what I should be doing in the day; that is normally when I find myself at the computer, knowing about my disorganised life, but not quite knowing where to begin to put it on the right path again.

I see this as an incredibly simple thing to do if your confused about what direction it would be good to take about something. I say "direction" because it's not possible to figure everything out, so then, it's a set of directions I'm meditating for, not intricate steps of what to do.

To me, it seems like a really helpful thing to do at some point in the day if you want to. I'm not saying spend hours on it, or even tens of minutes - I'm normally done in about 8 minutes.

Fear, a great paralyzer

I've known for a little while now that if I am to have a really nice life and achieve loads of the things I want to, I will have to let go of a massive load of fear.

Fear is useful sometimes, it keeps us from doing potentially dangerous things, such as... "I reckon I can climb up that building". I think fear is a reaction, that prompts us into doing things, or seizes us into not.

But it seems to not work logically sometimes. For instance, you'd really like to ask out this girl, but you're too shit-scared to. You might have even gone through the 'worst that could possibly happen' analogy, and your rational side knows that it's a possible win for the cost of nothing - but the fear keeps on pumping.

...

What I am not trying to get to is, "Face everything you fear!", because in reality, there are a lot of rational fears. So by facing everything, would that mean go and wrestle a fully grown tiger? It would, so no, do not face everything. Instead, face everything you don't want to fear.

However, you have to be wise in which fears you want to conquer. I would say I am a bit more frightened crossing the road than the normal person, and I want to become that little bit less frightened; but how do I know if I've gone too relaxed about it (and may get knocked over)? It's a judgement call I believe, one that relies a lot on wisdom.

Examples of fear restricting people and their lifes

A person who:

loves animals, but can't get a pet dog because of a phoebia
doesn't make many friends because they fear rejection
can't enjoy sun-bathing properly because they fear wasps

Ways to get over fear in general

You could just push yourself more each day to be brave. But a way of you not forgetting about your mission would be to join an extreme sport perhaps.

The vision of this blog

I'm having trouble motivating myself to make posts in this blog.

It's not that I don't have much that I want to say, it's that I don't seem to be motivated much to post.

Where have I been going wrong?

I believe it's because (and this was very much so for the smoothies post), I am thinking more about "lets get another post done", instead of "lets write what I want to write". I'm viewing this as more like a choir than a nice hobby.

The goal should not be, "I want something really cool in my life, like being a popular blogger". It should be this instead, "I want to write what I want to write! Popularity will be very much welcomed, but if I am to be popular, I want to be popular due to people liking what I want to say, NOT what I think I should say".

So, number 1, my vision should be a deep and personal vision. Not a shallow vision, where I'm trying to be popular, for the sake of being popular and getting an ego boost.

Somewhere else I've been going wrong, I have been quite pessimisic about the posts I've done. Thinking like this will only sap at your momentum.

So then, number 2 - from now on I'm going to be a lot more satisfied and positive about the posts I will put on the blog. This will help build momentum - the feelings that what I am doing, is heading towards the vision.





- I just noticed after I took the picture, that it looks like those two characters from pulp fiction are about to shoot at me! OoooOOoo.

Smoothies...duh!

I eat a decent amount of fruit in a day!

It all started nearly a couple of months ago when, hmmmm obviously -> I started making myself smoothies!

My advice is you get into a routine of making a smoothie every morning. You can do that, or you can buy them. My preference which is implicit in this blog post already, is to make them.

They are nutrition bombs!

No...

They are preciously packed pure pleasing potables! Fuck me that was full of gay.

This is the fruit I effectively eat for breakfast...









!I don't even really like fruit!

I should mention that there are a few blueberries thrown into the conconction too. I couldn't find them in the fridge this time though.

If you think your diet sucks, drink smoothies. It's easy. Even if you don't like the taste, just down a pint or so a day. Hold your nose if you have to.

I personally drink smoothies because I don't really enjoy eating fruit.

Be thankful we live in a time where smoothies are possible. Without convenience machinery like a blender, we'd have to cut and pulverise all the fruit up manually. This would be a bit of a waste of time, since that's what our mouths are for.